I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
