it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
