mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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