i can't believe i had my finger in that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
