very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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