were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
