Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
