so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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