We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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