dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
