hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
