i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
