We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
