i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
