Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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