I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
