Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
