Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
tell me about the eggs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
