I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
