that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
