i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
