Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
