According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
