Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
