Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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