he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
