I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
