You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
