I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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