So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
