I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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