And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
