for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We're too hungover to prance.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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