This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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