tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
