youre lurking in front of me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
