Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
