OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
