Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
