a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
