So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
