Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
