Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
