I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
