its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
