I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
