I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
