wrigley field is MILF paradise
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There are leaves in my underwear?
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