I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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