It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
