I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
