no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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