Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
